it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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