you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
