So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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