Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
