you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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