We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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