She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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