I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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