one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
