It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
