There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
