Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Randomize
