Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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