like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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