Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
