I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
