Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
