mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
