Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
