the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
FUCK WHALES
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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