my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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