I think scott just propositioned me for sex
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
