Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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