I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize