So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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