he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no you cant smoke seaweed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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