They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
