I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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