One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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