highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
