But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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