therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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