i think my mom watched the whole time
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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