He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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