I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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