nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
