So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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