it's like iHOP with fire
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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