you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
