im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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