im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
