Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
