one might say we're banned from that church
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
