i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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