i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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