he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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