return my video game
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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