someone owes me an orgasm
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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