Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
