wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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