These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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