dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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