it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize