I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
