if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
