You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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