So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
