You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
