I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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