i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
