My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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