im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
