If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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