ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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