Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Boobs speak an international language.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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