I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
