i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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