Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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