stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
