i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
