thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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